So much harder than I thought

I have found myself saying that a lot to people recently when they ask me how we are doing.  Before Son #2 was born, I remember telling people how two children are really easier than one because they play together, or how next semester wasn't going to be so bad because I had arranged my classes and work in this or that way.  When the baby was born, I don't think it really hit me for the first month.  I just ran on adrenaline.  But little by little, the sleep deprivation started to take its toll.  I started getting more cranky with my husband, I couldn't think straight...

I had to start school and go back to work as a grad assistant when Son #2 was only 6 weeks, which was earlier than with Son #1.  I actually started at 10 hours a week instead of the normal 20, I still haven't started one of my classes, and the one I am taking is relatively easy.  And still I come home and complain, "This is so much harder than I thought it would be!" 

When the Son #2 first arrived, I remember someone asked how we were doing, and I responded, "There isn't enough time, energy, resources..."  or something like that.  I really felt convicted by God after I said that, because one thing He specifically spoke to me about the new year of 2012 is that "there is enough."  There is always enough.  Maybe not as much as as I thought there would be, or as much as I want, but there is always enough for what I need.  That is a hard concept for a rich, fat, white North American to grasp (meaning myself here, people).  I mean, it's Biblical... when Paul asked God to remove the "thorn in his flesh" whatever that was, God responded by saying, "My grace is sufficient for you."  Meaning, "No, I won't remove it, but I will give you my strength, my provision, my annointing to get you through." 

The children are not "thorns in our flesh" or our "cross to bear" in a sense.  We don't want God to remove them, anyway, although sometimes I feel a little bit on the edge at 3 a.m.  In another sense, they are the very thing (or people, rather) that is helping us to die to ourselves daily, if we will allow God to do that in us and we don't resist the process completely.  We said "yes" to God about marriage.  We said "yes" to God about children, even so close in age.  We knowingly chose to follow God and take what He has to offer us.  We went in with our eyes open, so to speak.  But even so, it's so much harder than I though it would be. 

I said to my husband the other night that I have never had a semester (because I measure my life in semesters, Christmas break and summer break) where I haven't had to cry out to God for help.  I don't just mean a little help.  I mean, "God, if you don't actually do it through me, it's not going to happen." And every semester He does it.  He works miracles, He works through me, He gives me strength, wisdom and strategies to finish.  Every time.  He always finishes what He starts.  And He has started a good thing in us.  We are so blessed, we have more than we need, and eventually it will get easier.  Or so I keep telling myself.

Cloth Diapers

We use cloth diapers. Not the old-fashioned kind, but the post-disposable diaper kind.  Some of the new kinds are designed specifically so people (i.e. daycare workers, etc.) who are hesitant to do the dirty work of cloth diapers might not be so... hesitant.  Anyway, we are not afraid to get our hands dirty.  We really wanted to save money and felt it was also better stewardship of the environment.  But I should say, when the going gets tough, it is the money that is the stronger argument.  I hate to say it, but that's the truth. 

People ask me what kind I prefer, and after a year and a half I have a pretty standard answer:

We use Flip or Econobum covers with Flip stay-dry (microfiber) inserts. For more absorbency, we add a microfiber double or a hemp double (smaller inserts). We do have a few BumGenius 4.0s with snaps. We don't like the velcro (hook and loop) because it wears out faster, although it is easier to get on a squirmy baby.  I have newborn cloth diapers, but I almost don't think they are worth it considering the baby wears them for such a short period of time.  That would be where the environmental argument comes in...

In previous decades... okay, 30-40 years ago, people used cloth diapers, babies were potty-trained at 18 months, and the landfills looked a lot smaller than they do now.  When disposable diapers came along, they became a status symbol.  Now, we choose cloth diapers because we can't afford disposable diapers, and yet families with less resources buy brand-name diapers when they can't afford food. I recently read a blog about issues of justice related to diapers.  I never thought about diapers in this light, having never had to choose between food and diapers.  It made me realize that cloth diapers have now become a status symbol, though, because it implies that you own a washer and dryer. 

This is another issue that is upside down, so to speak.  Cloth diapering should be the accessible for people who don't have many resources.  We fall into that category, but we are still privileged.  We have friends and family who bought us diapers and we own a good washer and dryer.  We don't have to work 4 jobs to make ends meet, so we have time to wash diapers on top of that. 

I don't know the solution to this issue, but I think it falls in the category of urban restoration, or societal restoration, which is probably a better way to look at it, since these issues are not restricted to people who live in cities.  However, since my brain is busy with changing poopy diapers, washing them, and feeding the baby who makes the poopy diapers, I can't get any more analytical than that at the moment.