Sunday, April 29, 2012

How We Do Life

In previous posts, I have described my views on the roles of men and women, as well as the story of how I ended up in a Ph.D. program.  So this is how it plays out for us...

I work part-time and go to school part... well, really full-time. But that time is flexible.  My husband works for his dad 3 days a week and stays home 2 days with the boys.  My sister watches the boys for one day a week, my mother-in-law for two days.  I usually can stay home 1 day a week.  Don't try to do the math... I gave you all the possibilities, not a typical week.  The point is, we can't afford day care, and we are privileged and blessed to have family who are eager to help.  So that's how we work it.  If we didn't have family, one of us would just stay home. 

Our life is a little bit more tricky because we share working outside the home, but we have learned to make it work.  My husband does most of the cooking, but I plan the meals and do most of the grocery shopping.  My husband is in charge of washing and folding the laundry, and we both put away.  We both do dishes.  I do most of the vacuuming.  You get the idea... we share the household responsibilities.

And things change.  For example, I don't have work over the summer, so my husband is going back to work full-time for a few months.  It will be a little bit of a mental shift for me, but I am excited to be with my boys and have a change of pace.  I don't know that my husband is as excited... he will miss the boys and his job is physically demanding.  I will try to have a meal waiting for him when he gets home... and then I will go upstairs and do homework.  More sharing.

I have struggled with various feelings of guilt because I have a variety of messages and worldviews being shoved at me.  The predominant view in the church is that the wife should stay home and take care of the kids.  My colleagues feel it is the norm to put kids in daycare and have both mom and dad work full-time.  We are doing neither, which means we have had to figure out what we believe and develop thicker skin.  Fast.

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